Erin's First Broken Heart
by samanddianefan10
Summary: When Erin faces the crisis of losing her first pet, Hawkeye's personal beliefs in the afterlife only adds to Erin's grief. BJ, of course, is caught in the middle. For my own late kitty, Tiger. mild slash, a family tale.


BJ was exhausted, coming off a 24 hour emergency surgery at the hospital. It was late, around ten, and all he wanted to do was go home to the two loves of his life, Hawkeye and their daughter, Erin. For seven year old Erin, getting used to two daddies wasn't as difficult as BJ had been afraid it might have been. She was loving, trusting, innocent and sweet, and BJ gave props to Peg for that. The same qualities he'd loved about Peg, their daughter had clearly inherited.

He'd come home expecting a heartwarming hug from either Erin or Hawkeye- or even both. Hawkeye had a tendency of letting Erin stay up late, though BJ suspected it was more for Hawkeye's benefit than Erin's. No matter, not today. All he wanted was to see the welcoming faces of his two greatest loves.

But when he walked in, it was almost as if he were back in Korea again. Erin's back was turned from Hawkeye; she was pouting and crying and avoiding her other dad like the plague.

"Erin, sweetheart? What's wrong? Daddy's home. Is there anything I can..."

Erin, still avoiding Hawkeye just burst into tears. "Tiger's dead!"

BJ looked at Hawkeye, who nodded. Tiger was their three month old kitten, whom Erin had come across when the kitten was very, very young, and they'd nursed him back to health. At first, BJ hadn't wanted Tiger, for he was afraid the kitten who'd obviously lost his momma wouldn't even survive the night. But not only had Tiger survived that first night, he'd thrived and grew into a very important member of the family.

"Tiger? What happened? I thought..."

"He just got sick, Beej. This morning he stopped eating and...well, we took him to the vet, but there wasn't anything we could do. Erin, she held on to that kitten for dear life. She fed him with a dropper, she swaddled him like a baby. Erin tried, she really did."

BJ ran to embrace his daughter. "Sweetie, Dad took him to the vet. I know you loved Tiger, we all did...is there anything I can do for you?"

"I don't want Hawkeye living here anymore. He's not my dad!" Erin screamed with a burst of spite neither had ever heard from her before.

"Erin? What's wrong? We love Dad...what's going on, kiddo? Surely you can't blame him for what happened to Tiger," BJ sighed.

"He told me Tiger's not going to heaven because there is no heaven. I'll never get to see Tiger again and it's Hawkeye's fault!" Erin cried out before grabbing her teddy bear and running to her room, slamming the door in the process.

As BJ raised himself up, he closed his eyes and tried to think of what to say to his partner. "Hawkeye," he said, facing his other half. "Is this true? Why would you tell Erin something like that?"

"Beej, we both know..."

"Know what? That's you have your beliefs and that you apparently believe it's okay to crush a little girl's spirit when she's hurting more than she's ever hurt before? That our daughter's heart is breaking and you tell her she'll never see her kitten again?"

"Beej, it wasn't like that..." Hawkeye started.

BJ wouldn't have any of that. "Don't Beej me. You broke my daughter's already broken heart, and you sit around justifying your tasteless choice of words? How dare you!"

Now Hawkeye was getting equally angry. "How dare I? How dare you? Did you just hear yourself? You just referred to Erin as your daughter. Sure, she's my daughter when the skies are blue or when its my payday or when I have a funny joke to tell. But when times are tough, she's not my daughter anymore? I tell you, Bee..Dr. Hunnicut, I didn't sign up for that, I'll tell you that much."

"Still always about you, isn't it? Come on, Hawkeye. One of the reasons I fell in love with you in Korea was because of your compassion. How about showing a little of that compassion to your daughter?"

Hawkeye said nothing. He looked down at the floor. Finally he spoke. "I'm sorry, BJ. I didn't mean...I wasn't thinking..."

"No, you weren't. We've both been to hell. We've seen it, lived there, and somehow made it back. What's the harm in letting Erin have her own beliefs? We want her to be her own person, to make up her own mind, to be as independent as she can be. Her mother took her to church and still does when Erin's not here. I can't fault Peg or Erin for that. She wants Erin to try to see things that we can't provide her, and for better or for worse, Erin wants-needs- to believe in a kitty heaven. Who are we to tell her she's wrong?" BJ asked, the tears forming in his own eyes.

Hawkeye put his arm around his partner, and then he knew what he had to do.

"Give me a few minutes, BJ. I need to go have a talk with our daughter."

0000

"Erin...may I come in?"

"Go away!"

"Erin, honey, it's okay if you're angry with me...you have every right to be...but does that mean it's okay to be rude with your parents?"

Erin said nothing. She opened the door then climbed back into bed. She refused to face Hawkeye still.

"Erin, honey, about Tiger...I said some things to you I shouldn't have. I'm sorry. I didn't listen to you. Sometimes I always think I'm right, and that's not always the case."

Erin shrugged. "I know. My daddy says that about you, too."

Hawkeye had to grin just a bit. He looked up to the ceiling. Out of the mouth of babes. "Erin, honey...it doesn't matter what I think. Do you think you'll see Tiger again?"

"In heaven," she sighed.

"I have no doubt that someday you will. How about we do something special for Tiger? We can give him a funeral, right outside in our back yard. We can all sit around, taking turns saying what we loved about Tiger. You can wear your prettiest dress and we can just give him the funeral that little kitty deserves, for bringing all the joy into our lives that he did. Would you like that?"

Erin's face lit up? "You'd do that for Tiger?"

"Of course, I'd do that for Tiger. But I'd do that for you, too, kiddo. I love you. Don't you ever forget that."

Erin wrapped her arms around Hawkeye. "I'm sorry I said you weren't my dad anymore. You can still be my dad if you want to."

He chuckled. "I'll always be your dad, Erin. But it's nice to know I have your permission."

BJ peeked in and saw that Erin was still hugging Hawkeye. That night, they had a late night funeral for a beloved pet whom, as it turned out, taught them just as much in death as he had in life.

The end


End file.
